It's of course not an instant fix. I didn't lose 20 lbs. in the past six weeks , I am not bikini ready or anything like that but others things that are so much more important than the physical have changed. My outlook on myself and the way I hold myself accountable has changed. I am no longer seeing just "an overweight woman hiding behind a smile" I truly am looking at a woman who wants to change and sees the change before her. Yes, I may not be where I want to be physically but I am not letting my weight and my issues with my negative body image hold me back any longer. I am definitely seeing a huge change in my emotional and mental state more so than ever as I moved forward in my journey.
I am not letting the SCALE define who I AM and what I can do.
I am so much more positive and I am not letting food dictate my emotions for me anymore. In the past when anything was stressful or if I was going through something it seemed like immediately I would turn and hide behind my emotions with food. But now my relationship with food has turned into fueling myself and it too is being seen as a relationship of joy and not anger, hurt, sadness or frustration anymore. And I will tell you this it is much easier for me to cope and be just me in my life without masking those things with my relationship with food any longer.
Another thing that has changed in these past 6 weeks is my overall idea of my life and what happiness, gratitude, joy and appreciation I have for this life I am in everyday. No I am not a millionaire, I am don't own a huge house or a really fancy car. What I have realized instead of fantasizing and being bent out of shape about these things or lack of having some of these things is I have turned it around that Ben and I are living within our means and we are enjoying each others company, cooking together, playing games together, creating together and just overall being together. I don't need to physical "things" to satisfy and make me happy. Having an abundance and appreciation for being present, being happy with who I'm becoming and being grateful and thankful for all of the wonderful things in my life means so much more.
There's so much more that I'm ready to process in this journey and I'm continuing to be open and aware. I am realizing I have an outpouring of support and love from my family, friends and my gym family. I have a husband who loves me and is embracing my need and hunger for change and helping me through it all. And even a little treat to savor on after these past few weeks is that yes the scale is down 7.4 lbs and I will continue to see it drop over time. It's not going to happen in an instant, it may not even happen some more in the next weeks but I know I am working through everything and being full of more appreciation and gratitude for life now because I made a conscious and oh so rewarding decision for change!
