My first 20 mile trail run.. Peterson Ridge Rumble 2013 in Sisters, Oregon

 This weekend was one for the books! On Sunday I participated in my first 20 mile run, along with it being my first trail run in Sisters, Oregon. From my very new experiences in running over the past three years I would have to say I wasn't really sure what to expect on this trail run. I anticipated possibly some rolling hills, some climbing, and some downhill areas, but what I got was VERY different. This trail run challenged me mentally, and physically in more ways than I had expected. These things that I came across were more than I could of imagined for this event!


Debbie, Ben's Mom and I set out on the trails course at 9am. First of all, all of the other people that has signed up for this course looked like they knew the course, they knew what to expect and were ready. I felt like I almost came in blind folded at first, not really ever training on trails, and in climates that were before us in Sisters. There were also a lot of people with dogs. I had never been in a running event where there were over 60 dogs registered. Not that it was a bad thing but man it was a little hard to focus when I first started out because they were all so cute and just loving life being able to run with their owners. As I continued on, I felt awesome. Here I was, out in the wilderness taking in a lot of scenery and loving it. I want to say after Debbie and I had hit the first aid station at about 4.8 miles it hit me. I still had 15.2 miles to go. Oh MAN. I really tried to keep my energy high, my spirits positive, and focused on the course ahead of me.

 As we got further into the trail things became more uneven, rocky, and just a more rugged terrain for running than I was used to. Quite a few times I started tripping on rocks, getting my ankles all wonky and feeling really unbalanced. Then the frustrations and negatives started popping up in my head. Thoughts such as "why is it so dang hard to run this stupid trail?!", or "Seriously you want me to run up this rocky hill, then jump over a few rocks, and THEN you want me to smoke the downhill that has more rocks on it!?" or " You're going so slow, this is going to take forever!" ran through my head for probably another good 4-5 miles. But I pressed on. I believe the point that I hit a wall and really felt the miles was into the 2.5 hour mark, a usual time that I would have completed 13.2 miles or a half marathon. I felt like I had NOTHING left in me. I had to slow down to a fast walk, which for a walking pace I can still keep up an 11-12 minute mile when walking. But I started again tripping, rolling my ankle a few times, and then after tripping once more and almost biffing it big time my calf got the LARGEST Charley horse ever. At that point, Debbie and I plopped down for a few seconds and worked out the huge cramp that was going up from my foot and into my calf. Yea, at this point I was almost beyond done. I had felt like I had been hydrating and eating enough, but clearly I hadn't because I was exhausted.

A lot of the course was only marked with yellow tape, and at times as Debbie and I walked and ran through the course, I began to wonder if we had gone the wrong way, or if we had somehow accidentally gotten to the 40 mile course (I literally would have cried and scream haha) but we found our way, and as we hit the gravel road that was about 2 miles away from the finish I was even more beyond done. I laugh at this now but I literally turned to Deb and in a little whimper said "I just want to be done!" I was to the point of no return now. I had just a little further to go, I was going to finish. The last 400 M of the race were done on the track at the middle school in Sisters. As I hit the parking lot and saw the track I booked it. There were more people than I had seen the whole race close to the finish line. I almost sprinted that 400M I was so ready to finish. As I crossed the finish at 5 hours and 20 minutes I couldn't have been happier. I did it. Through the exhaustion, laughing, crying and joy I had done something again that the "old Emily" would have never thought possible. Will I do another trail run at that mileage again? Maybe with more training! I am so happy I had Debbie by my side. We had fun times laughing about all the people popping a squat along the trail (yea, no porta-potties! ahh!) the interesting dressed people, and just all out humorous times got us through the last bit.

 I am sporting a sweet blister on one of my toes, but I still got some sweet Peterson Ridge Rumble socks to show that I did it! Doesn't matter what place I came in, or my time. The fact that I got out there and did something that I never would have done if I hadn't been in the best shape of my life right now. Granted, I didn't train as much for this race as I normally do for other running events but  I still got out there and didn't drop over dead!

 Below are some pictures I took and also some photos by an awesome photographer along the way! Again, big thanks to Ben's Mom Debbie and her boyfriend Tom for pushing me to do this. It is an experience I will never forget!

Me before we started our 20 miles.. I look excited, didn't look so hot after ;)

 Debbie and I before the race!  We were ready to get going!

 The view at the top was AMAZING but I was really trying to watch my step here!

Another one of me at the top, not sure what mile but at least I'm still smiling :)

Talking about changes.

 It has almost been a week since I started turning my diet back around and moving forward in the right direction. Have to say, I am really liking the changes and motivation I have gotten with my eating and daily habits. After the first few days of Meltdown I feel more happy, alive and clear headed than I have felt in awhile. It is just very interesting to me how my eating habits play a part in my over-all well being. With it being the second time around for the Meltdown process I have realized how much I had been missing this feeling of being clear- minded and just "cleaned out" feeling flowing through my body.

 In the past few blogs I had discussed the cravings I had been going through. Needless to say I actually feel like those have really gone down in the past few days. I am no longer complaining in my head feeling like I miss all those foods that I have always loved so much that are filled with gluten, dairy, and sugar. Even going out this weekend for a friends birthday proved to not be as difficult as I thought. While people all around had fun drinking, I hung out, had a good time and drank soda water and lime. (which is actually my new favorite beverage!) It was nice to be in my present surroundings and take everything in. I honestly hadn't realized how much I haven't ever really "seen" when I was not eating the best and then putting sugary, alcoholic beverages into my system. The experience really made me question in my head why we as humans put these types of things in our bodies and why we haven't at some point realized this may be such a toxic waste of a thing to do. Sure, some of you may not agree with me on this but I am just coming to the conclusion for myself that drinking leads to so many other things for myself. Things that I am just better off without.

 As far as my workouts have been in the past few days since starting to detox and clean out my body, I have felt anywhere from major doubt and thinking "why in the hell am I doing this!?" to feelings of gratitude and awareness that when I stay in control of my food choices my workouts are so much more enjoyable! We have been working on the rowing machine these past few months at my gym and last week I got 500 m of rowing in in 1:44! This is the fastest I have ever done it and I was so happy! I figure with all of these changes in my life things can only keep going up from here! I keep on remembering one of my favorite quotes that I have on a notecard by my mirror that says "You create your happiness". For me, I am recreating happiness in my life by making these changes for myself. I can only say that I can't wait until one month, two months and so on have passed and I have discovered more happiness in my life than I already know what I have!

Bod Pod test, Argh.

So this morning at 5 o'clock in the early freaking morning, I took my first bod pod test. To be honest, I already knew by the way my body, emotions and mind have felt in the last few weeks that I was going to see that there was some work that was going to be done after I tested today. Although I had lost 2 pounds since weighing myself last week I am realizing that there is one most important thing that I have to look at. I have to get my eating and living with a paleo lifestyle down. No more making excuses. As I sat there looking at my results I have realized that all the stress and anxiety of putting things into my body like I have in the past few months is just one of the reasons I have gained weight.


I also took "before" pictures the other night. Yup just me in my sports bra and undies. Can't say I love taking pictures of myself that way but I have to say that it is one thing I wish I would have done for myself before I lost all the weight I have in the past few years. Of course, I have plenty of pictures of myself in clothing, and on vacations, etc. but actually seeing myself stripped down, and real is something I feel anyone doing weight loss should do. Of course the negative side of me wanting to first point out the imperfections, but then I turned it around when I found myself doing it and looked into what things I saw that were positive. First off, holy cow quads and calfs, they are like on their own planet! I can also really start to tell (once I slim down even more as well) that the sides of my stomach/side ab areas are getting defined and cut! And of course my flippin' traps are on another level. That's what I get for some heavy lifting I have been diving into lately. But you know what? This is who I am. I am excepting my body for what it is and going forward with it.

  This test today proved to myself what I already knew. I know what needs to be done in the next 6 weeks and beyond. I know I can challenge myself  physically, but I also need to challenge myself on working on myself and what goes into my mouth and body on a daily basis. I am stubborn; I know this because I have for quite some time been denying and convincing myself that I could just "workout" the food that I knew wasn't good for me that I was eating. Sure, I love food, but I have to fill my body with food that fuels me, and doesn't bring me down. Do I feel a little defeated after getting into that bod pod this morning? Yes. But do I know I can totally turn myself around and make this into a positive for moving forward and not looking back? You bet I can.

 Also, I have to mention an "accomplishment" or "PR" for myself this week. We have been working on squats a lot lately at the gym, and on my back squat last night I am up to 145 lbs.! Pretty cool, and I really couldn't have done it without Rob pushing me to "suck it up" and not care about what anyone else was doing and focus on myself. Even though I have gained weight in the past few months I feel my strength and endurance have become so much more powerful in the past 11 months. It is really amazing to think about.


 I am excited to say that as of May 15th, I will have been at Sweat360 for a year. It is going to be fun during that time because I have just realized I will be finishing up my Meltdown Challenge during that week! I truly have loved every minute of being at this gym. No one, or no other gym has helped me, pushed me harder, and helped me focus like all my family at Sweat has. Here's to shrinking down in the next few weeks and learning how to love me!

Goals, goals, goals.

Good morning everyone. Today I again start the process of the "Meltdown Challenge" with myself and with my gym Sweat360. This morning when I woke up and actually while I was sleeping I was dreaming and thinking about the goals I had for myself in the next six weeks while I am going through this change, process and moment in my life. I have a few challenging, exciting goals for myself. I also have some more serious thought provoking, deep meaning goals as well. So here it goes, I am going to share them with you. These are the goals that I want for myself so when I look back 6 weeks from now I can say yes, I did check all of these off my list.


1. (MOST important to me) After the six weeks, no matter how much weight I've dropped, how much faster and stronger I have gotten I know I need to stick with eating right.

  Still eliminating gluten and dairy and sugars is the ultimate goal. I am ready to see where my life will continue to take me without those things in my body. When I thought about this number one at first I instantly started getting these excuses in my head. "But what about going out with friends, it won't be fun anymore", or "I'm sure I can just have a little and be alright". NO. I have to realize that to be at my full potential and to stay where I want to stay weight wise I have to think of food and especially social situations way differently. Yes, I can go out with friends and have a good time. But these moments in my life can be fun without the food, alcohol, etc. in them. I'm making a goal for myself during these six weeks to try something new at least 2 to 3 times during this process. Whether it be hiking, (which I've only done once! That for sure needs to change!) exploring a new part of Oregon, crafts, drawing, painting; I'm ready to think outside of the box. I will still be complete, will still feel fulfilled without adding the food temptations. Will this be easy? Probably not. Will I learn from it and move forward? Yes, you bet I will.

2. Start seeing the positives in my life, body and actions.

 Sometimes yes, I get pretty hard on myself. Talking the "negative talk" in my head and to myself has become something that triggers everything for me. If I feel I didn't work out hard enough, eat good enough one day the negative thoughts start flowing and everything seems to down spiral for the day, weeks or longer. I have got to recognize when the negative talk starts so it doesn't destroy me, and not keep me moving forward and to my full potential! Instead of the talk in my head such as "oh you did not push yourself hard enough in that workout" I should be turning it immediately around and saying "you know what, you are here, you did the workout, you're a sweaty mess and you are a bad ass!" I never used to realize how this had any correlation with my eating, and energy until recently. It seems to start with this and just keeps overpowering me. I will be turning this around!
 Along with the negative talk in my head I have got to move past the idea of my negative body image. Here is a point where some of you may just shake your head and not understand. But really, to be honest not everyone has been 300+ lbs. ever in their life and had to work their ass off in the gym and the kitchen as I have done to lose weight. When I look in the mirror at times I still see that girl that is overweight, shy and timid; the girl that I used to be. But in reality I am not that way anymore! I have moved more boulders and obstacles in my life that seems possible. I am the girl that never used to run and am now running the fastest I ever have, doing relays, half marathons and testing out new waters with my running. I am the girl that could never do a cartwheel or handstand as a girl because I was too overweight. But now, even after just one gymnastics class I almost have these things down. I am the girl who just hit her best PR on a 500m  row of 1:44, each time PR'ing by one to two seconds! That, is a positive thing and it feels great! So for myself I must remain positive in all things in my life.

 If a challenge, obstacle, or difficulty comes up I will take a deep breath and know that it will be okay; and conquer it!

3. Get some more weight off!

 When  thinking about goals, I usually have this be my number one thing.  But with realizing that if the two above goals are not happening, or in line with each other this proves to be more difficult. I have been able to do it time and time again and now I've got to get all of this under control and keep my weight down. Everything is so much easier when I do this. Knees don't hurt, back isn't sore, etc. A difference of even 5 extra pounds makes a crazy difference for me! It is interesting to think of it in a positive and not negative way also. At times, the scale can be my worst enemy and all the things I've talked about come through because I decide to weight myself. But if I look at it as, "well 80-100 lbs. ago you couldn't touch your toes, and your body constantly hurt, but now your body hurts when it is sore from kicking it up in your workouts!" See, that is so much better right?! To conclude this, I just am realizing that if losing weight is a key factor for myself everything else must be put in line in order for me to have success!


4. Stretch, stretch, and stretch some more.

 So after almost every workout I think in my head or Rob, one of the owners at the gym is always like "You need more yoga in your life". So you know what? I am freaking going to do yoga more than I have. I have been averaging at least one day of yoga in my workout schedule a week. I have decided I am going to turn it up to at least two days a week of yoga, and possibly trying some Bikram yoga also. I might die in Bikram yoga considering whenever they turn on the heat at Sweat360 for yoga I at times feel like I am dying a slow death, but trying that type of yoga should be..eventful to say the least. But I am all for stretching my body and loving my hips a little more! Tight hips, sore knees and tight hammies and quads are something I have definitely been dealing with lately. And I know it is because I am not rolling out enough, stretching and yoga'in it up enough. So time for another change! I will do it :)


5. Enjoy this time in your life, you have come SO FAR.

With being honest and true to myself I have to realize there have been so many amazing things I have seen, pushed through, and experienced. Things such as being on my third year of Hood to Coast this summer, having almost celebrated my one year anniversary of being at the wonderful Sweat360, and being able to say I am able to workout as hard as I can 5-6 days a week. Before this whole change in my life almost 4 years ago none of this was even set in my mind as possible! I want to hold onto that, find joy in this thought and continue to grow! No better way than to live in the moment, not dwell on the past and move forward!

Ready to bring it in these next 6 weeks and further! 

I am ready to be honest and real.

As I continue my journey down this road of maintaining a healthy lifestyle, keeping off the weight I have lost, and being in the best shape I can be in, I have got to be honest. Sometimes it is down right HARD to keep this going. You know, sometimes in my head I just think, "What if I just ate what I wanted for a week, didn't work out, got just a little sleep; how would I feel?" If I am being honest with myself and all of you out there that are reading this I wont deny that this is something that crosses my mind when things get to be too busy for me in my life, or I am being stubborn and just don't want to admit to the truths of what I know is the right thing for me to do in life. So when I do think about this statement above, I realize usually what happens is if I gave into that statement and let myself "test drive" the idea it would not work out so well. 

 First off, if and when I have ever tried to stream away from my normal routine I am met with the huge feeling of guilt. Yep, that's right I pretty much get stressed out to the point where I can't handle even putting something else that I know isn't good for me in my body. But yet at times I am still doing it, and not even processing what I am putting into my body. So right there for myself, I know what triggers my bad eating. habits. Stress and emotions are the top factors on my list. Along with sleep being another factor I just know that if none of these things are in balance it all seems to go out the window for that day, week, month. But this is my "a-ha" moment. How about I keep all these things in balance? How about letting the stress in my life roll off of me, and realize that everything will be alright. Keep my emotions in check. If I feel like they are getting out of control, or if I am bottling things in talk to someone who can understand you (i.e. my fiance Ben, friends, etc.) journal about it, meditate, do some yoga. Whatever it takes! And for the love of all that's good GET SLEEP. I know I will feel better if all these things happen.

My goal in the next few weeks, month and years is to truly be honest with myself. I have stated this before, and I will state it again. I AM NOT PERFECT. I just feel like people at times see only what they see on the outside and never can truly comprehend what is going on in my mind, body, etc. I don't think anyone truly at any point can realize that at times I struggle to be this new person who I have become. I need to love me for who I am, yet all these things have made me realize something else, yet time and time again I realize all these things above have made me hit another conclusion for myself. 

STOP CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU.

I am doing me, and I am at my best! I have got to remain positive through all these challenges, but again it's not always easy and it is downright hard sometimes! So there you go. I am being real with you all. Loving me for me is starting today and I am ready to bring it!